Should I Leave My Job, Relocate, or Leave My Partner?
Real Coaching Results…

Case Study: Inside Rachel's Journey Through a Major Career & Location Crossroads

“Because we went through a logical and insightful process... I know that where we got to through the work is right, and that’s tremendously reassuring… It opens up the path forward instead of continually looking over my shoulder thinking, “Is that right?” It’s like, “Yes, that’s right - what’s next?”
— Rachel Bhageerutty

Rachel Bhageerutty came to the Decide & Thrive coaching package facing three big questions at once: whether to leave a toxic work situation, where to relocate to, and how to build a new community from scratch. Here's what happened.

Should I Stay or Should I Go? Rachel's Situation Before Coaching

Lauren: Rachel, hello. Well, thank you for agreeing to do this video case study. So you've recently finished doing the three-session Decide and Thrive package. Can you just tell us a bit about your situation and what was going on when you reached out to me?

Rachel: Yeah, sure. Hello, Lauren - I'm really happy to be doing this because it was so helpful. I'd been stuck, and increasingly stuck, for probably about six months. And like most highly challenging situations, it was complex - there were several different factors in play, but ultimately it was a toxic work situation. It evolved over time, and I was getting more and more eroded and disorientated, less able to think clearly, take action, and trust myself, because I was becoming quite crushed by the situation. So trusting myself became difficult.

Rachel: I was chatting to two different friends on two separate occasions. One of them said, “Oh, look, mate, you're depressed,” which was really hard to hear - I'd never been depressed before, but that made me think, “Gosh, you really need to do something now, Rachel.” And then there was another friend who said, “Why don't you just find someone to talk to?” He actually mentioned a coach, so I got online and found you. I didn't know of you before, but it was the way that you described your process - the three sessions - that I thought was the most appealing. It had a clear beginning, middle, and end.

Finding a Life Coach and Deciding to Leave Work

Lauren: Yes, and it was also not just the work situation, was it? It was also about deciding what was going to happen after - your living situation and location as well.

Rachel: So I decided that I was going to leave work. I'd looked at my finances and answered the question, “Can I?” And then the second question was, “How will I do that, and what comes next?” That's where you came in to help me. I'd always planned to retire at 60, and I'm now 57 and a half, so the thought of going off and getting another job for just two and a half years didn't appeal. It was actually about bringing forward all my retirement plans, and then working with you on how to actually make that happen - putting some structure on it. Because all these things that I thought were a couple of years away suddenly came into my very immediate future, so I really needed to start thinking about them in a very tangible, practical way.

Lauren: And you did it so beautifully.

Rachel: I really enjoyed it. Having been scared and, as I say, disorientated and crushed, the process itself was an absolute joy. It was so much fun.

Session One: Values & Roles Work and a Guided Meditation

Lauren: It was really fun working with you. Can you remember back to the first session?

Rachel: That first session will stay with me forever. The first guided meditation exercise that we did - I just thought it was brilliant. If you want to strip back all the confusion and focus on what's important, the exercise we did with counting down through time was brilliant and revelatory. Coming from such a confused place, it was abundantly clear and clarifying. Because that was the very first thing we did, I immediately thought, “Yes, this has been a good decision, and I am in the right place with the right person.” And the values work as well - it felt like meeting myself again after a very horrible, extended nightmare. Not even halfway through the first session, I felt this influx of energy coming back to me, and reassurance. So even if you are feeling weighed down and rubbish, you will get a huge amount from the sessions really quickly.

Lauren: And also thinking about your roles as well - really reconnecting with your identity and who you are, because you're so much more than who you are at work, in that role. We went into all these other ideas of what could happen in the future, and who you could be as well.

Rachel: Yes. It was absolutely wonderful - a lifeline actually, at a really difficult time, to find myself again, to recognise myself again, having had such an awful time and really lost sight of myself. It literally put a spring back in my step and a smile on my face, beyond the sessions, and it has been since then.

Session Two: Using NLP to Decide Where to Live

Lauren: Amazing. And then the second session, where we did the NLP tool to stand in the two different scenarios - this was once you'd decided you were going to retire, and it was about deciding where you were going to be, in which location. We went through the two different scenarios. Could you tell us a bit about how that felt?

Rachel: The first thing that springs to mind is that the answer I arrived at through working with you wasn't the answer I expected. And yet, because we'd gone through the process you'd directed us through, I knew it was the right answer for me - and I felt very safe. Because what I'm talking about is changing my life, entering a whole new unknown chapter, and not only doing that but taking myself geographically somewhere new - that's a really big decision. But because we went through a logical and insightful process, I trusted where we landed. So unlike other decisions I've made in life, where you go back to them and pick at them, thinking, “Have I made the right decision?” - I don't need to do that. I know that where we got to through that work is right, and that's tremendously reassuring. Feeling safe at this particular juncture in my life is incredibly important. It opens up the path forward instead of continually looking over my shoulder, going, “Is that right?” It's like, “Yes, that's right - what's next?” It enables a lot of action, a lot of progress.

Lauren: Amazing. And I remember in the session you were really surprised - you were like, “I didn't think it was going to go that way.”

Rachel: Yeah, I really didn't. It's a lesson in being porous, being flexible, and letting go of expectations, I guess.

Lauren: And you were really able to access your intuition through the process, and then trust it.

Rachel: Yeah, absolutely. Having come from a place where I'd stopped trusting myself - because I didn't know which way was up or down, because of the work situation - to then, just one and a half sessions in, reach a point and go, “Yeah, okay, I trust that.” That was because of the values work and the roles work we did in the first session. And then the final, third session, we did the generative process.

Session Three: Turning Insight Into an Actionable Plan

Lauren: Can you tell me a bit about how that felt for you?

Rachel: Again, it exceeded my expectations - every session exceeded my expectations. It was our final session, so to come out of it with actionable, practical, clear, and achievable steps felt so reassuring and so safe. It's like, “Yes, I can do this. I know what it is. I know how to do it.” They're not massive steps, and each one will make me feel better - there's a positive feedback loop happening in the steps we identified. Each one enables me to feel more substantial in the place we'd envisioned for me. So it's about adding substance and weight to a theoretical plan. Not only was that fun, but it's locked in. It enabled me to go forward - the stabilisers were off, the road ahead was clear, and the steps and milestones were clear too, and I can attain each one. I keep saying “achievable,” but it's so important, isn't it? Because when you're paralysed, nothing feels achievable. And then to come out of just three sessions with a roadmap that joins the dots from one period of your life - in which I've spent 40 years - to the next period of my life, which I have no experience of at all.

Life After Coaching: Building a Creative Community

Lauren: You mentioned in the testimonial how you came away with an actionable plan. Would you mind sharing one or two things on it that you're now excited about going ahead and doing?

Rachel: The longer-term goal is to find and become part of a creative community. The other thing our work together did was allow me to properly own that desire. I'm not a naturally gifted maker or creator, but our work together made me feel that wanting to investigate and inquire into a creative community is enough - even though I don't currently work creatively with my hands. So it was like, “Well, how do I enter a community I'm not part of?” You got me thinking about makers and artists that I currently admire, and you broke down the questioning really smartly - you were like, “Well, where are they?” And I said, “Well, one of them's in London and one of them's in Wales.” And you said, “Well, could you reach out to them?” And of course I can, and I have - it encouraged me to look her up again and find out what she's up to. Turns out she's running some courses, and I've got the dates of her next courses. I know when they're happening. That's happened - that's huge. It's an in-depth look at a particular part of ceramics that I'm really interested in, and it's a step further along my creative inquiry route that our work together made available to me. It was actionable, and I've done it.

Lauren: Yay - the wheels are in motion, it's happening.

Rachel: The wheels are in motion, yeah.

Rachel's Advice for Anyone Facing a Big Life Decision

Lauren: So for anyone watching who is in this painful quandary, this mental spinning - what would you say to them?

Rachel: I would say don't procrastinate. One dark night of the soul is enough - take action, and reclaim your future. Just get in touch, and don't wait any longer, because you'll only get tied up in more knots. More crazy ideas will come flying through your brain and you'll become more confused. Just trust the process - trust Lauren's process. Just get in touch - it'll be good. If you want to be sure that you're making a decision for yourself from the right place, head and heart, thinking strategically on your own behalf and coming from a place of your innate wisdom, if you need any support with that, get in touch. I think the way that you work would be helpful to anybody facing complex situations - decisions about work, decisions about when not to work, leaving something, staying with something, finding something new. All of those things your process would help them with.

Lauren: Well, thank you so much, Rachel - I can't wait to see what happens next, so keep in touch. Good luck with your new adventure.

Rachel: Thank you - I'm really excited.

Testimonials

  • Karen Joyce, 45 - Should I stay or should I change everything!?

    I spotted Lauren‘s post on Instagram at the perfect moment. Years of circular thoughts. What if’s, should I’s, became one direction after two sessions and a phone call.

     The sessions gave me time and space to process what I enjoy and value in life. Using those values to inform my decisions and silence the circular thoughts I’ve had for years.

     I feel happier, more settled, I have a direction that is forward rather than a circle.

    My husband noticed something had changed and I hadn’t told him about the sessions until I knew me, my wants, my values.

     Life coaching then changed direction into business coaching because that’s what I needed after I’d made my decision.

    Lauren knows what to ask and when to ask so you can get the answers you want. I’ve recommended her to so many friends. We should all have a session with Lauren, thank you so much.

  • JP, 47 – Should I stay in London, or should I move to the country?

    I was forever trying to decide whether to move my family out of London to buy a bigger house with more space and be closer to family, but I just couldn’t decide as I love London so much…On paper it made complete sense to make the move but I had a nagging feeling that it was the wrong choice. It took up so much head-space!

    After several years (I’m embarrassed to say) of indecision, changing my mind like a see-saw, I’m so glad I found Lauren! After the first session I was able to see so clearly what it was about London that was so important to me, and everything just made sense.

    In the second session I was able to actually feel what it would be like to live in both scenarios, and it just become more and more clear why I couldn’t leave London, and not only that….it made me realise all the things I want to do to make my life here better, fuller and more ‘connected.’

    The third and final session was all about getting really clear on my new goals for my life in London. It felt so exciting to be able to finally feel settled and happy to stay where I am, with room for growth. I can now make plans knowing that I’m here for the long-haul, and really put down some roots.

    The guided meditations were so helpful in shifting my mindset and relaxing into the session so that I could get the best out of our time together (I’m practicing them at home too), and lots of the tools were quite fun and playful. I really looked forward to the sessions. Thank you, Lauren!

  • CP, 43 – Should I stay in my job, or should I pursue my creative passion?

    My indecision was multi-layered! Not only was I not sure which city I should be living in, I also wasn’t sure if I should be going part-time so I could do a course, or start my own business…or move town to live with my partner. I didn’t know where to start!

    Lauren was able to help me break it down and see a logical order to these decisions. She used meditation and somatic modelling which I loved as I’m someone who feels things a lot, but never know whether to trust it or not. She brought some much needed logic, but also let me trust my intuition too.

    Some interesting stuff from my past popped up which I hadn’t realised was so relevant, so we did another session to work on that, which made a massive shift! I’m now in the process of moving cities and going part-time so I have more time to work on my creative projects, and for the first time I actually feel excited about it rather than anxious and constantly questioning myself. Can’t recommend Lauren enough!

  • KC, 48 – Should I stay with my husband, or should I go?

    I couldn’t decide whether to leave my husband - I felt lonely and like I was just treading water, but knew that living separately would be so sad for our son (and us too) but perhaps we’d move on and find true happiness. Not an easy decision.

    Through the coaching with Lauren I was able to see what I truly wanted out of life and what was most important to me. I made up my mind to leave him, and through the coaching I felt confident and positive about the decision, and could see a way forward.

    HOWEVER (plot twist!) when I talked to my husband about it, in a positive, loving, caring way (which the coaching definitely helped me to do), everything changed between us…I think because I was able to articulate so clearly what I wanted, my husband completely changed and we decided to stay together!

    Since then our relationship has grown so much, and we are closer than ever. I was able to stay knowing it was absolutely the right decision, and stop constantly thinking about it. I just needed to get clear on what I wanted and then communicate it to him – so thank you Lauren! It felt like once I became clear on what I wanted, the universe shifted to make it happen!

  • Rachel Bhageerutty - Should I leave my job and move out of London?

    I can say with certainty that my three structured sessions with Lauren have changed my life for the better.

    Her approach is both intelligent and intuitive, scientific and somatic. Having tied myself in knots caused by a very stressful work situation, Lauren initially helped me uncover and reconnect with my values, and they became the touchstone for all my decision making.

    Subsequent sessions involved some great exercises and rigorous but gentle questioning to help me define what I truly want for myself and my future. The other highlight is that I’ve come away with an actionable plan full of things I want to do to take me where I want to go! Who doesn’t need one of those?!

    Don’t wait until you’re in a painful quandary and can’t see the wood for the trees. Book three sessions with Lauren and you will always be pleased you did.